The Adventures of BabyFoot
Today is the two-week anniversary of my first time using BabyFoot--the Korean Beauty Product that allegedly removes all the dry, cracky, dead skin on your feet over the course of a week to reveal baby-butt-like skin underneath, hence the name. It feels wrong not publishing a day-by-day play-by-play of this experience. Consider this your trigger warning and please enjoy!!
Day 1: 90-120 Minutes in Heaven
The first thing you do is put your feet into these two disposable water-resistant sock-like bags and then fill them with a solution that smells like nail-polish remover (don't be fooled--it is in fact skin-remover). I had a tiny cut I didn't know about on one of my heels and that was slightly burn-y for the first 5 minutes, but not enough to stop me! You have to sit with these bags on your feet for 90 minutes, which was great because I had to write a sketch for a class, and normally writing involves taking trips to my refrigerator every 10 minutes to see what I need to help me think. I ended up leaving them on for 2 hours because that's how long it took me to finish writing, also because I'm not some wimp who can only handle 90 minutes of a skin-removing soak--I'm in it to win it!
Day 2-6: Bummer City
For the first 6 days, NOTHING HAPPENED. I started to think that maybe BabyFoot didn't work on me. Perhaps I wasn't meant to have silky smooth baby feet. It was the same feeling I got the first (and every) time I tried weed edibles (I'm sorry mom I've done drugs and I'll never be the president but I'm okay with it). Twenty minutes into the experience, I had the thought, "I feel nothing. I bet pot doesn't work on me!" and then proceeded to finish the bad of weed-infused Goldfish crackers I was instructed to only eat 1/2 of. (Who puts more than one serving of drugs into a bag of addictive snack food? Who are these pot-doers with self-control?!) As you can imagine, this lead to me crying in a movie theater and freaking out because Avatar-3D now only looks 3D when I take my glasses off and ending the night curled up in a ball saying, "Don't touch me or let me close my eyes because then we all become Avatars and it's scary!!!" Which brings me to...
Day 7: BabyFoot Goes to Bikram
Just when I'm convinced that I'm uniquely cursed and BabyFoot doesn't work on my, I waltz into a Bikram Yoga class. This is when I begin to molt. Something about the 105 degree, 80% humidity room really did it for me and my skin started flaking off uncontrollably. Coincidentally, this was the day that my yoga studio switched from white rental towels to purple rental towels, which really made my dead skin flakes pop like freshly fallen snow against the vibrant back drop. It was also Teacher Training at the studio, so not only was an instructor walking around, but also her Teacher Trainee. JUDGY EYES ABOUND! I just stood there shedding. It was insane. I could not stop it from happening. It's what I imagine shitting myself would be like--completely unplanned, unavoidable and mortifying. I didn't wake up that day thinking this would happen, but there I was standing half-naked in a pile of my own foot flesh. I really had to let go and surrender in that moment (thanks yoga for the life lessons you continue to teach me) much like I imagine one would have to do while shitting oneself. (Am I asking for this to happen to me? I hope not.) Once it appears that most of the skin flakes have been removed (my feet still look prune-y and peel-y AF), I tactfully fold my towel up so as to cover a portion of skin crumbs. We enter the second part of class, which all takes place on the floor and I think I'm in the clear, relieved there will no longer be friction between the soles of my feet and the purple towel. Home stretch! I made it! WRONG. Just as we're entering our second set of Rabbit pose, the instructor walks up next to me to hold down my neighbor's feet to help her do the pose, and then calls over to her teacher trainee, "You can come help her"--POINTING TO ME. She's asking this poor girl to hold down my decrepit, scaly-looking feet. And the craziest thing is the girl DOES IT! I can only imagine what was going through her mind, "Well I'll probably contract whatever flesh-eating virus this woman has, but at least I'll become a Certified Yoga Instructor. I'm risking my life to help this anonymous woman get a good stretch!! I'm a yogi hero!" I hope she felt all triumphant and exhilarated about it. I couldn't muster up the courage to make eye contact with her after that so I HAVE NO IDEA.
Day 8-10: Pure Peel-y Bliss
My mortifying Bikram BabyFoot experience was worth it for these prime peeling days. It was like all the best parts of having a sunburn. If I seemed distant or distracted talking to you during this period, it was because I was thinking, "I wish I could be peeling my feet right now." Just when I thought I was done, I'd find a new layer to peel back and reveal even smoother, more baby-like skin. Hey, that's kind of like my recovery journey! BabyFoot helped me discover new healthier layers of my feet just like showing up for recovery every day helps me find new layers of healing and truth within myself. (Phew. I was worried this blog post would be out of context in this recovery-themed blog...but THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS RELATED.)
Day 11: Baby Burn? This is the day I developed an itchy, painful rash on the top of my right foot and it makes me question my relationship with BabyFoot. Does BabyFoot have any business soaking into my already-smooth top-foot skin? Is this burning the result of the acetone-like solution or does it have to do with the mosquito bites I seem to have acquired in this one region? Why is only one foot reacting like this?? Is BabyFoot trying to break through my last layer of skin into my under-skin?!
Day 12-present: Would Use Again
This skincare experience was what I imagine childbirth to be like. There were definitely uncomfortable and even painful parts, but at the end of the day, but I'm not going to let that ruin all the good times I had peeling away my dead skin. I'm concluding that my weird foot rash was the result of mosquito bites and I'm choosing to believe in and spread the message of the healing, peeling powers of BabyFoot.