"Good job! Want a cookie?"
The answer to this question is always yes.
In one of the most memorable moments of my middle school career, my 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Wearp* (AKA Coach Stacy* from her PE-teaching days) sarcastically responded to an accurate, yet unsolicited piece of information volunteered by well-meaning Mauricio Rosas*--"Good job! Want a cookie?!" Mauricio of course said yes and was was very disappointed to find out there were NO COOKIES to be had.
The takeaway from this story is to make sure there are always cookies available for when you do a good job. I had three (3) cookie-necessitating occasions this week. Here they are:
Me: We saw the SNL live dress rehearsal with Amy Schumer! You: Good job! Want a cookie? Me: Yes! Yes, that's right. We've officially done the coolest thing we've ever done. It will be nearly impossible to top. So of course our first thought the next morning was "Should we make cookies for breakfast?" This first iteration of cookies was simply 1 part oatmeal, 1 part pumpkin puree, and lots of parts cinnamon and chocolate chips. They're healthy enough for you to think it's fine to eat 12 for breakfast and chocolatey/fibery enough to regret it 3 hours later.
Eric: I got hired! Me: Good job! Want a cookie? Eric: Yes! Now that Eric knows I make cookies, I figured it was only fair to celebrate his employment coup with a freshly baked batch of Funfetti cookies! Here's a fun fact: You can make cookies from ANY box of cake mix! Just add 2 eggs and 1/3 cup of oil, roll into flattened balls, and bake 8-10 minutes at 350°F. Now you know my secrets. Please still be impressed when I bake you things.
Me: I tried really hard to go to an open mic tonight! Universe: Good job! Want a cookie? Me: YES! Here's an explanatory run-on sentence: Tonight I went to a 6pm open mic at a theater in the Flatiron District to find out it had been canceled and then I went to a 6:30pm open mic at a bar in the East Village to find out I needed to sign up online and then I went to a 7pm open mic at a chocolate shop on the Lower East Side to find out that it's actually next Thursday at 7pm. But I'm happy I ended up there because I made friends with the wonderful human working at the chocolate shop and organizing the event next week! She's a singer and she's from Paris and she lives in Harlem and she's never eaten frozen yogurt so we're going to get some together. I'm super excited to go back to do the show when it's happening for real. In the meantime, I deserve a cookie. So I made a record THIRD BATCH OF COOKIES in less than a week. Chocolate chip ones! Thankfully cookies make great doorman gifts.
Please ignore our shoddy electrical cord situation in the background.
*Names have been left unchanged so you can look them up on social media.